Hi Everyone!

Todays post is going to be about engagement. Do you see that your child or student has a hard time sustaining connections with people? Do they prefer to be by themselves?

The ability to connect with others is an essential social emotional skill which helps create an enriching life. DIR FLoortime helps build this skill in a way that is enjoyable for parents and children alike!

There are a few steps to think about before we start this:

Step 1: Get curious!

In DIR Floortime we always look for the why behind the what. Why is connection difficult for your child at this time?

Are they hungry, tired, or is the enviroment too noisy or visually stimulating for them? If you think about we all have times that we are too overwhelmed to connect. The same applies to our children.

Step 2: What lights your child up?

What does your child enjoy? Nature walks, birds, trains, sensory play, or baking are some examples of things children may like. It is ok not to be sure. Just take a few days to observe.

When we work on connection we want it to be highly motivating and fun!

Now that you know what your child enjoys and have an idea of what overwhelms them it is time to get started! Do not worry about eye contact too much as eye contact can take a lot of physical and emotional energy for some children. As connection gets easier eye contact often gets easier as well.

The goal is to have small pockets of interaction where your child is strongly connected to you. The amount of time does not have to be long. Anywhere from a few seconds to 10 minutes based on your child’s developmental level and emotional needs.

What Does Connection Look Like?

Connection can take many forms. It’s important to keep an open mind when thinking about how you are building connections with your child.

Here are some examples of what emotional connection may look like:

Singing a beloved song while swinging on a swing-your child gives you a smile.
Playing hide and seek.
Cuddling on the couch and reading a book.
Blowing and popping bubbles-take turns blowing
Making a new recipe together.

Here are some general tips to keep in mind when working on eye contact:

When we work on connection we want to make sure it is it done in a way that is not too overwhelming because that can make it even harder for our child to focus. As a DIR Floortime therapist each session has a very different tone based on what the child is responding to. You may need to keep your volume low and not use too many words. Some kids will need things calm and quiet in order to connect and some need things to be extra exciting. The way to figure that out is just to try and see what works best. Trial and error is you best friend!
Keep it motivating-use exciting and fun activities to really catch them. This can be a fun toy, silly voice, songs, or a surprise such as peek a boo. Its important that you work with your style so that what you do is natural and genuine for you. this Means if silly voices are not your things go with peek a boo. While it is great to step out of your comfort zone it is also important to be realistic about what you will do consistently so do what comes naturally. Your child loves you for who you are!
Make sure you are leaving your child time to absorb and process what you are doing. This means waiting a few seconds after you call their name or show them something to give them time to respond. A good way to do that is to count to 5 or 10 in your head after trying to catch their attention.

Tools to improve connection

If your child is very absorbed in what they are doing it may be helpful to go close to the child and join what they are doing- for example if your child is playing with a car take the other car and crash into them which automatically includes you in what is happening. You may want to pause and then do it again for them to realize you want to play too.
Another way to get into what they are doing is to imitate what they are doing. For example if your child has a toy and is making it fly take a toy and have it fly right near them making zooming noises. This helps your child feel like you get what they are doing and you are really in the game with them which will help them connect as they see you are not controlling them but following their lead.
Using pauses can be a very powerful tool. This builds up anticipation as they can’t wait to see what will happen next. Blow bubbles or use some other toy that your child loves and and wait until they are super into it and pause-you can say here i come!
If this doesn’t work right away that’s ok! I find that consistency really helps. Keep trying because this is a process!

Keep It Real

It is very important to make realistic goals for yourself that you can really incorporate into you busy routine. For example try committing to work on connection for 7 minutes a day for two weeks and see from there how things go. This will help make things manageable for you!

Here is a summary of our main points:

Keep it low and slow - we don’t want to overwhelm with loud volume or too many words.
Keep it fun - use toys, songs, or games like peek a boo.
Give processing time.
Eye contact is not the goal, connection is.
Join them - join the activity of the child as that helps them feel understood and is motivating.
Give yourself a manageable goal such as I will work on this for 7 minutes a day for 2 weeks and see what happens.

Hope you found this helpful! Please leave comments or questions below!

I can be contacted at comeplay@butterflyplay.net if you’d like a custom road-map for emotional success with your child.

How to help your child engage and connect